Has it really?

Has it really been that busy? I felt as if i never did have a holiday. Time could be a really strangly flexible thing. It was like an overstretched balloon while i was in melbourne and shrunk inward and whizzed around the minute i went back to work. I guess when you average it all out, every day probably ends up with the same amount.

I am not quite sure what happened over the last 2 weeks.

The miunte i wrote that, i realized that that is not quite true. I do know what had happened, every step of the way, every words spoken at meetings, every tasks i planned to do and accomplished. I just chose not to acknowledge that knowledge on some level. I find that happening to me often. Not quite the ostrich in the sand thing but choosing to pretend to be vague when i know that i am not.

Psychoanalyze. Psychoanalyze. Psychoanalyze.

Bottomline, i am just lazy.
Unless when i choose not to be.
Criteria subjective.

Choice. What a powerful thing to have. Even the illusion of having one is better than none.

I chose to be vague, be lazy, be blur, be silly. Because i chose to be these whenever i want and to whoever i chose, i can retain that little smugness in myself. In my power to exercise that choice. Why do i choose to do it is really inconsequential to anyone else. Why should people waste time in understanding my little quirks? Why should i question myself on whether if i really had any choice to begin with?

Illusion is the next most powerful thing to own. It builds up your self esteem when you have none. It makes you feel good when you believe in the things that make you feel good even though you might be walking around naked instead of your princely robes.

I have a choice.
And it made me feel good.
If no one understand, then i choose to think that i am being delibrately cryptic.

Didn't you know that Illusion can be your friend?